In life situations, we always see conflicts of mind and heart, while contemplating on major decisions. This happens because the mind says one thing and the heart says the other which is directly opposite in entirety. This state of mind reflects lack of experience in life, immaturity, not heeding to the elders’ advices. How do we train mind, the intellect to underplay its role, while making the heart to decide?  In this modern world we have many spiritual gurus who have different ways of putting things to people in small, easy, understanding way. The message is, all of us should live and let live in peace, happiness as we are here for a purpose in this world. We cannot always think intellectually (only for knowledge purposes) as we have to live this life to our hearts’ content.  

When we extend our hand for friendship, any relationship, the other person’s hand should meet ours, half way through, to have a two-way relationship. No relationship can be one-way. Why some of them are reluctant to part any information of theirs?  For an example, could be cell number or any other information, that’s because of TRUST DEFCIT, which could be from past or present experiences. We come across different types of people carrying their own emotional baggage’s and their reactions are their own making, which can be little brusque unintentionally.  There are people who react by being silent, responsive only when they want to be, otherwise prefer to be left alone. This would create a negative impact within themselves and to those who come in contact with them. We are all inter-dependent as humans and not stand alones’.

Humans are supposed to be having simple, peaceful life. At the same time, it’s we who complicate things by not thinking, doing things in simplified way. Our thinking can put spokes to our hearts’ feelings and complicate issues which could be solved easily. First of all, ACCEPTANCE should be there in any situation, which is the most positive attitude. When you start accepting things as they are seen, felt, you won’t give it any intellectual angle for your mind to debate. Otherwise, mind’s voice would overrule the heart’s desire. When we accept people as they are, not seeing them with what we would like them to be, by itself would put our minds to ease. Each one of us are made differently, physically, mentally, thought process, brought up environment, background and no two persons thinking can be the same, unless they are united for a cause or purpose. Acceptance makes things easier for any relationship including friendship, familial, to flourish and grow in the long run. When there is open communication because of acceptance, any differences of opinion can be aired out, any untoward issues can be sorted, ironed out, then and there, rather than mulling over issues which have not been sorted out which creates wedge in relationship. The magnitude and aftermath of such miscommunication can be irreversible. Acceptance is a very POSITIVE EMOTION.

Whereas, having expectations in human relationships robs off the NOW, present moment. When the expectations are not met, it creates, anger, deep frustrations, dejections and negativity. Not all are adept at handling negative emotions, because when mishandled, it can create unforeseen outbursts, unintended words spoken out, which cannot be taken back, spoils the atmosphere in a jiffy, into a tensed and uncomfortable one. To have inner peace, it’s better to have least or no expectations from anyone and be consistent at that. When we have no expectations, other persons behaviour, actions, words would never affect us as we don’t expect them to behave the way we want them to. But, what should be done in the process is, we should never change our friendly attitude because of others indifference, unfriendly, reserved behaviour, not expecting them to change their ways. Expectation is a NEGATIVE EMOTION AND ATTITUDE.


-Vijayashree Ramesh

The writer is an advocate based at Chennai.