COOL THINGS TO DO IF SOMEONE HURTS YOU
World has become mechanical, mundane and highly charged environment, with less time for people interaction. Be it family, office, social circles, there are always people who, want to dampen and steal the joy of being together by their hurting words or actions. That too when it happens unexpectedly, catch every one unawares, robbing off the happy moments instantly.
Have you ever felt so upset with someone for hurting your feelings that you didn’t want to ever speak to them again? It is a common scenario, someone says something that is rude, accuses you of doing something wrong, or in some way makes you defensive. But does harbouring dislike, revenge, even hate do any good? Does it make us feel any better or does it just create more stress?
It is important that we acknowledge what we are feeling-all the anger, unfairness and aversion. Repressed feelings means they will just come up again at some point, most likely when another situation triggers a similar response. But negative emotions sap our energy and they can spread like wildfire, like a single match stick that can burn down an entire forest.
Negativity also creates an emotional bond with the abuser, so that we keep replaying the drama, conflict over in our heads, justifying our own behaviour and dismissing theirs. In the process we become a not-very-nice person. Anger, aggression, bitterness are like thieves in the night who steal our ability to love and care. Is it possible to turn that negativity around and chill out, so we can actually wish our abuser well? This may sound challenging or even absurd, but it can make life’s difficulties far more tolerable.
Recognize no one harms another unless they are in pain themselves. Ever noticed how, when you are in a good mood, it is hard for you to harm or hurt anything? You may even take the time to get a spider out of the sink. But if you are in a bad mood or are feeling very stressed, then how easy it is to wash it down the drain.
No one can hurt you, unless you let them. Hard to believe!! as no one actually wants to be hurt, but it is true. When someone hurts us, we are inadvertently letting them have an emotional hold over us. Instead if someone yells at you, let them yell, it makes them happy. Respect yourself enough that you want to feel good. How would one deal with an angry and abusive person? The best way is to decide not to respond to such negativity, instead wish him/her well.
Consider how you may have contributed to the situation. It is all too easy to point fingers and blame the perpetrator but no difficulty is entirely one-sided. So contemplate your piece in the dialogue or what you may have done to add fuel to the fire. Even when one feels 100% right, one always looks at a difficulty to see what part he played in it.
Extend kindness, that does not mean you are like a doormat that you can let others trample all over you while you just lie there and take it. But it does mean letting go of negativity sooner than you might have done before, so that you can replace it with compassion. Like an oyster that may not like that irritating grain of sand in its shell but manages to transform the irritation into a beautiful and precious pearl.
Meditate, Meditation takes the heat out of things and helps you cool off, so you don’t over react. A daily practice we use is where we focus on a person we may be having difficulty with or is having a difficulty with us. We hold them in our hearts and say: “may you be well, may you be happy, may all things go well for you”!!
This all comes down to the philosophy, that others behaviour is one thing which we do not have a control over, but we need to change our behaviour in accordance with the others negativity, so that we can safe guard ourselves. It is true that we cannot be without human contact, but what we should do is any rude, harsh, brash, behaviour from others, we should not allow that to get to us, to internalise it and get upset over. We should insulate ourselves for any human beings’ bad behaviour, so that they don’t have the pleasure of hurting or affecting or getting at us.
It is true that, others negative behaviour of which they themselves don’t have any control, how can we control them? Utmost what can be done is, either we can avoid the situation or avoid the person, rather than doing damage control exercises later, when the hurting is already done and accomplished. Peoples’ negativity not only affects them; it does irreparable harm to people around them too. It takes a very balanced, matured person to wish negative people well, for some of them are not even aware of their misdeeds, or if they are aware of their misdeeds, then one can only pity them. It is for them to take the initiative to come out of their negativity, so that they would stophurling hurt on others.
People don’t have time for others, much less for negative hurting people. So let us make this world a better place to live, by learning to tackle negative people so that their negativity or hurt doesn’t get to us. All that they need is good counselling, someone to hold their hands and listen to their woes. Lots of negative things can be sorted by communicating, listening, sharing of thoughts, mending their bad ways in the process.
LET US UNDERSTAND THAT, PEOPLE WHO HURT DO NEED HELP, UNDERSTANDING, FORGIVENESS TOO….
VIJAYASHREE RAMESH, ADVOCAE & SOCIAL ACTIVIST.