HERE IS, HOW TO DEAL WITH IT!!!!
With the CBSE results just out days ago, are you dissatisfied with your child’s marks? HERE IS, HOW TO DEAL WITH IT!!!! CBSE, has finally announced the results of 12th grade today and the total pass percentage all over the country is 83.4 percent.
Parents, brace yourselves. It is that time of the year again when you will get calls from relatives you haven’t heard from in years. Some of them will call you to boast about how well their child/children has performed while the other nosy ones will try to figure out what your kid has scored.
Apart from the societal and parental pressure, students do have certain expectations and hope from themselves, which adds to the tormenting weight on their shoulders. Irrespective of whether your ward has ACED these exams or not done as per their own expectations, it is important for the parents to know, how to deal with the stress and anxiety that come with these board results.
The problem is actually with the stigma of “the make-or-break of the future” attached with boards, especially in the 12th grade. So, what do you do when your child is inconsolable after the results?
WHAT SHOULD THE PARENTS DO?
For starters, do not keep checking the website every two or three days/hours before the results are announced. This is for parents who tend to get hyper about the results. Try and keep the ambience of the house normal and avoid discussing the result and/or its aftermath.
Secondly, try and empathise with your child and don’t have unrealistic expectations. If the results are not favourable or as per expectations, don’t discuss and compare the marks of toppers or their friends who did well. It is the very nature of the parents getting very either upset if the marks are less or very happy if the marks are good. It is the parents who need more educating to handle the situation than the children, because they know what they have done and how much will they get approximately. Playing the guilt card with your child will only make him/her more upset.
As a parent, your expectations from your child’s result should be based on his/her previous performances instead of expecting a miracle. Tell your children that this result does not define them as a person or marks their intelligence. Moreover, strictly avoid the “Log kya kahengey”, that is, “What will people say/talk” conversation, no matter where the discussion heads to. Instead, praise your ward for his/her sincerity and dedication put in the exams and tell them that the whole family is there for support.
When things don’t go as planned, it is your responsibility to tell your child that it is okay to try again. Nothing is permanent and one can always set a new goal and achieve a new dream. Explain it to them that scoring below their expectations is not the end of the world, unlike how it feels at the moment.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Be there for your child after the results have been declared and gauge their reactions. If your ward seems stressed, go out and engage in relaxation activities. Most importantly have a one-to-one conversation with your child about what he or she is feeling and try to calm them down. More often than not, the support of the parents is the one thing kids need the most after their results.
Parents please do not compare your children’s marks with that of any of their classmates, think of your own marks when you were their age and kindly be of moral support to them, immaterial of their marks. The fact doesn’t change, is that, you are the parents of your child/children and you don’t have the right to judge them by their academic scores.
Heaven will not fall if your child has scored less, put your heads together as a family and decide for the mark gotten, whether the further academic course the child desires or any other alternative can be thought of. Instead of starting the blame game, as the child will be in a more delicate position because of its marks, as the only hope is the FAMILY, be more co-operative.
Parents be more patient, empathetic, whatever disappointment you may feel personally, try to not to show it on your child. The child will start feeling that he or she has not lived up to their parents’ expectations and their position will be more precarious. Whatever has manifested as marks is not the be all and end all. Try to look at life beyond the marks, be very supportive emotionally, mentally, physically being at the side of the child, when he needs it, the most.
Immediately try for any other alternative subjects or course based on the marks gotten, so that your support to the child will repose a sense of well-being, calm demeanour. The child would be having its own inner turmoil so please understand, address that, so that the next step for the future ahead is taken in a serene, calm way. Whatever has been done, the effects are in the form of marks, so nothing can be undone and move on with the next plans to secure the child’s future. This can be done by parents alone.
As smart and astute parents avoid phone calls of those eavesdroppers who call up just to ask for the mark information and create a negative atmosphere at home. This is not the time to dissect or analyse why, how, the marks have been gotten, accept the fact and move on.
VIJAYASHREE RAMESH, ADVOCATE & SOCIAL ACTIVIST.