MANAGE YOUR ANGER
“A MOMENT OF PATIENCE,
IN A MOMENT OF ANGER,
SAVES A THOUSAND MOMENTS OF REGRET”
Prime Minister Narendra Modi ji, on Wednesday said that he never gets angry!! In what can be termed as a non-political interview in his interview with actor Akshay Kumar that he believes that anger entails negativity. Talking to Akshay Kumar, Prime Minister Modi replied to a question that does he get angry, saying “I do not express my anger as it leads to negativity”. The Prime Minister explained, “over the years he has trained himself in a way that he does not express anger, instead, he tries to get best out of the situation by inspiring others”.
On being asked by Akshay Kumar, that PM Modi is known for his strictness, He said, “I am strict and disciplined but it do not get angry or insult any person”. He asserted that “being strict, disciplined and getting angry are two different things”. PM Modi further explained, “If something unpleasant happens, then I write about it on a piece of paper and then tear that paper. I repeat the process again till the time I calm down. By doing this I feel that I have vent out my anger, in the end I tear that away”.
Most of us why do we get angry? It is because of our incapacity to handle the situation when unexpected things happen, rather than expected ones. It just gets triggered in a second and then the outburst or the outcome can kill joy the now moment. The behaviour of others is not in our control and there is no point in getting angry over it.
Anger is a natural and mostly automatic response to pain of one form or another (physical or emotional). Anger can occur when people don't feel well, feel rejected, feel threatened, or experience some loss. The type of pain does not matter; the important thing is that the pain experienced is unpleasant. Because anger never occurs in isolation but rather occurs after pain feelings, it is often characterized as a 'second-hand' emotion.
Pain alone is not enough to cause anger. Anger occurs when pain is combined with some anger-triggering thought. Thoughts that can trigger anger include personal assessments, assumptions, evaluations, or interpretations of situations that makes people think that someone else is attempting (consciously or not) to hurt them.
In this sense, anger is a social emotion; You always have a target that your anger is directed against (even if that target is yourself). Feelings of pain, combined with anger-triggering thoughts, motivate you to take action, face threats and defend yourself by striking out against the target you think is causing you pain.
Here are some ANGER MANAGEMENT TIPS, time-tested again and again, recommended by the psychologists and counsellors too.
Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.
1. Think before you speak
In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.
2. Once you are calm, express your anger
As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but no confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
3. Get some exercise
Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.
4. Take a timeout
Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.
5. Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.
6. Stick with 'I' statements
To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of "You never do any housework."
7. Don't hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.
8. Use humour to release tension
Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humour to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
9. Practice relaxation skills
When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.
10. Know when to seek help
Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.
“Anger doesn’t solve anything,
it builds nothing,
but it can destroy everything”
VIJAYASHREE RAMESH, ADVOCATE & SOCIAL ACTIVIST.