MOTHERHOOD AND SOCIETY
In a chilling, blood curdling news this morning in one of the tamizh news channels, paved way to this reporting. In Tirupattur, near vellore, a woman, a nurse that too, killed her 2-year innocent child by injecting poison. This very much made me re-visit the ABIRAMI incident, poisoning her two children, later suffocating her baby boy since the poisoning was not working that well, when her husband was away at work and she had the urge to join her paramour, who is a married man too. Someone asked me, why and how a mother can even think of doing such barbaric, gruesome killing of their own child/children? This is one part.
TRUE LIFE INCIDENT
Before we go any deeper, I would like to share an episode with a family, where their youngest daughter’s marriage was on rocks, the parents, her married sister came to see me. The in-laws place was out of Chennai, the household had very minimum basic facility, the girl came to me because her estranged husband, which happened within six months of marriage, had sent a legal notice, accounting all the incidents, since start of marriage and till the point of estrangement. I gave a long hearing and could feel the pulse of the problem. I suggestively talked to the daughter first and then the mother separately after a joint meeting. Then when I told the mother, to leave her daughter at her in-law’s place for a little while and then I would talk to your son-in-law and advise him to heed to their request to keep them separately in Chennai, as whole week the son-in-law would be in Chennai and the girl had to live in the village with her in-law’s. First I told her that even her demands would be met only if she goes and lives with her in-law’s and husband (who was visiting her only in the weekends ever since marriage) then there would be a possibility of any change from the husband’s side both mentally, financially in case of paying rent and running a household in Chennai as the marriage has happened six months back and no decision should to be taken hastily, which would make them repent in leisure. They, more so the mother of the young married girl, got so upset with my suggestion.
The point is, young women married with or without children, the attitude just goes to show the upbringing of these girls by their mothers, who need to be taught the ways of life first. In the incident above, the mother herself who professed to be god fearing and religious person didn’t want her daughter to go back into her in-law’s household. When mothers give such protection, pampering to their daughters, no daughter/s will think of living in their married homes, their attitude would be to exaggerate, magnify even the small things, into a big magnified proportion, which is not good for them. But they hardly realise this, because their non-adjusting attitude is being given the easy way out by the innumerable mothers. The daughters land up getting a divorce or stay estranged.
KILLING SPREE REALITY
A situation has come that repeated incidents like this, abirami incident, cannot be ignored for the fact that it’s not happening as a rarity but as a regular occurrence. The killing of the two-year-old baby yesterday by a mother, a nurse that too, is the most unpardonable thing ever. She was estranged from her husband the baby’s father for some time now and she is living with her parents. She by then befriended another person, who conditionally told her, that if she wants to elope with him, she should come without the child. Even at that moment if she had thought about the person’s attitude, that would have been an awakening for her that, if a guy is prepared to accept her only with the child that she can take the risk, which is again a biggest human error, even to have relationship while being in a marriage sans divorce.
The reason why the young mothers are in this mental frame mind, is their utter SELFISHNESS, which makes them not to reason out beyond their selfish mode and they are on the I WANT, MY LIFE, FEELINGS, ME, MINE ALONE matters and nothing and nobody else’s feelings matter in the process. If you see all the past incidents the young mothers have placed their own personal feelings more than the other people’s feelings in the family. This is when feelings and life goes amok and makes them do the extreme act of killing their own child, which is part of her flesh and blood. When before deciding something drastic like this if they had thought for a moment about the repercussions of their actions, this situation could have been averted. Seeing their angelic faces, how a mother could kill their child, beats me!!
The trend is mothers’ of these daughters see them as their fulfillers of their own life’s ambitions, shortcomings, unrequited wishes and dreams. When this happens the mothers’ find it difficult to let go their daughters in to marriage institutions, or once entered they too join daughter in the mudslinging process against the in-laws’ and ensure that their daughters’ lives are doomed forever. First the mothers’ need to be tutored, taught the ways of life to guide their daughters’ well in life as it’s for the younger generation to lead and live their life, as per their family requirements. The mothers’ possessiveness is detrimental to their daughters’ lives.
Women who are estranged, would need more emotional support from her family members than anything, but not justify or support their wrong acts or doings while in marriage. That’s because, she herself would be undergoing lots of turmoil internally and what she needs is a very caring and supportive family, who are not blaming her for the happenings, as in any marriage it’s two people’s lives concerned and not any single person’s. Steps should be taken by the family to get them re-united, failing which the ultimate step would be the DIVORCE. Without divorce no other relationship would be validated while in legal marriage, even if it is a situation of estrangement.
What do the Psychologists say, they opine that this very act of getting emotionally involved with another person, other than one’s husband, happens because of less valuable time spent by the husband in the marriage, there is a big void in the marriage which is being addressed by the third person, who invariably takes advantage of the women’s situation even would go the extent of suggesting her to kill her baby / babies, which has happened in both the cases of study. The women are made to think that the third person is always better than the husband, because of their manipulative ways, which women fail to see, the reality. There is a possibility of a serious psychological issue from child birth, which is the post-natal depression which has not been timely diagnosed and treated for, which would have been suppressed for a long time without being realised. Sometimes this too results in such demonic acts.
A situation has come, that we cannot further ignore this trend in our society, which is the over protective mothers not letting their daughters live their lives after marriage or be it the feelings of the estranged woman, not being properly addressed to. With proper counselling these issues can be sorted out provided it’s done at the right time. A mother lives for their children, sacrifices her life for their well-being, thinks about them all their living time, worrying about them too.
Society always relates to the betterment of women, women hood, as both are mirror reflection of one another. Women and society are integral part of the state and the country as a whole. Our country is still, WOMENCENTRIC AND OUR SOCIETY IS BASED LARGELY IN THE WELL BEING OF WOMEN, WOMEN-MOTHERWOOD. Let’s not ignore the fact that these incidents are rare and for this to happen on a regular basis wouldn’t even take much time.
LET’S PROTECT WOMEN-MOTHERHOOD AND SOCIETY, FROM THESE CHILD KILLING MENACE OWING TO EXTRA MARITAL FLINGS. LET’S STRIVE TO EDUCATE THEM AND STOP THEM FROM SUCH HEINOUS ACTS……
VIJAYASHREE RAMESH, CHENNAI BASED ADVOCATE.