Given the complexities that go into human relationships, leaving familial ones aside, over which we don’t even have a choice, friendships are THE THING, in relationships, that makes this life very interesting, liveable, sustainable. This is so because the time spent with friends is more, than time spent at home especially when in school, college or office atmosphere. The importance that one gives to these relationships is more, that age, than any other. Some friendships formed at a young, formative years, are sealed forever. This friendship grows beyond distance, place, time, lifestyle thanks to the internet and the smart phones. This makes friends feel closer as they are within the reach of each other instantly, in constant touch and updated with all the news of happenings and catching up with other friends too. Yes, you have the enabler factor“GROUP CHATS”.
Any relationship/friendship has its own way of making into peoples’ lives. Some relationship just happens instantly, making one feel that they have known the other person, they have just met, all their lives. This happens when one soul recognising the other and if it is meant to happen, so it shall. No one can beat destiny at this. But what one has to see is, how farther the relationship develops. Sometimes it is felt that, after the initial soul recognition, the relationship loses its charm or lustre. Then a distance sets into the relationship and does not carry till its logical end as they are never meant to be. If a connect has to happen, so it shall and it can find its way into lives of the people.
But at times, it is seen that, the initial instantaneous recognition won’t be there, but as time goes by, they turn into such beautiful relationship that one can’t even imagine it to happen. That is because some people who are cautious, tend to tread little slow, steady, without any hurry in the world. Such relationships grow very steadfast, gets nurtured, attuned to each other in its own space. They tend to flourish into a long term, firm relationships, which can weather all the storms of the world.
What is that all the relationships work around? TIME. Time is the only factor that makes or breaks relationships. When relationships have to work, it needs time for it to flourish. Time is the healer, when relationships are on the rocks, like with no hope of any light in a dark tunnel. When things have to be worked out in a failed relationship, one needs time, to regroup oneself and start working out things with an introspection. Sometimes, a break can also make one re-think, about things that would have gone wrong. But one should ensure that things don’t go out of hand and the relationship does not get severed for ever.
Next flourishing factor in any relationship is the “EMOTION”, this plays a very important role. When two people are connected emotionally, it is not how many times that they meet, talk, would be of any relevance. One person may be very emotional and the other would prefer to underplay their emotions, that’s because of the position they are in, but when the understanding is perfect, emotions become a binding factor and not a deterrent.
Understanding does not apply on emotional level alone, but at all other aspects of knowing a person, like personal likes-dislikes, preferences, tastes in food, mood swings-sometimes very happy, crying bouts, tantrums, upsetting moments, that all humans undergo. Here frankness plays its utmost role in making a person understand the other, provided the same does not boomerang. Speaking frankly can be very good, provided the other person or friend is able to appreciate and accept it as it is spoken, or said. When some actions done by one, are affecting the other person, it is better to say it openly and ensure that such incidents don’t occur in the future.
“EMPATHY”, is very essential in a friend-relationship, so as to feel the happiness, sorrow, whatever be the emotions, to step into the shoes of the other to feel rejoice or remorse. To be in the state of mind of the other person and understanding their feelings without being judgemental is really awesome. One is really blessed to have a friend like him/her. Empathising makes the relationship stronger with more understanding, rather than being standoffish, indifferent, insensitive to the other person’s feelings. Insensitivity kills relationships.
Acceptance of a person as they are, is very vital. When a person is not accepted as they are, then humans would turn into a fault finding machines. Every person as much as they have positive attitude, they will also have a negative attitude, relationship would flourish only, when one focuses on the positives alone rather than negative, which would mar the relationship. At the same time when the negative attitude acts as a spoiler in that relationship it is better to have a very frank talk, man to man, to set right things then and there. This would ensure a good future strong relationship.
The “wait game”, is a novice now. This happens from a soured relationship “once bitten twice shy” that friends would prefer to play this wait game. This is done to check how far the other person is interested in having a friendship, just by holding back and not letting any personal details known to the other person. This happens to a person who wants to tread the friendship road on a very careful note, when basically one has a very quiet, reserved nature, laid back attitude towards life, that they will never find the need to be very expressive, outwardly. They will never want to justify their actions too, as that’s the way they are made.
For any relationship to long last, it needs personal space. Though each of us are individuals with different thought process, doing things in different ways, we need to give each other the personal space rather than make each other feel stifled just being together. Many relationships wither away for want of space, be it personal or otherwise, as the saying goes, “WE DON’T LIVE IN EACH OTHERS POCKETS”. Personal space is letting the other person do, say, what they want to, rather than control their life through one’s own way of thinking. No two individual can think, do things, the same way, for they are not made that way. People are not ROBOTS.
Having a “CONFIDANTE” is really awesome, at times there are things that are not openly shared with parents, which can be shared to a close friend, who is really understanding and doesn’t talk about it to others, betray the trust, when somethings are said taking the other friend into utmost confidence, faith in totality.
For all the faults, wrongs done, unusual behaviour, of one, he/she should own up and have the guts to apologize, same way one should also have a big heart to forgive the faults of others and not make it into a big issue. A magnanimous person would even find it easy to forget the other person’s wrongs, as they wouldn’t want to make a mountain out of a mole hill, as how they see the relationship, is that which matters more, rather than one’s shortcomings.
Any relationship would survive, stand, the test of time, when it is uninhibited, unreserved, with a very giving nature, rather than being selfish, to see what is in that relationship to take always. A giver is always happier than a taker. Takers are always misers, selfish people who don’t, cannot think beyond themselves. All of us would make, have made such friends, who stand through one’s thick and thin, at times of need, care, emotional support and the bond is sealed forever.
INDEED, SOME FRIEND-RELATIONSHIPS ARE MADE, BONDED FOREVER, UNINHIBITEDLY, UNRESERVEDLY……...
VIJAYASHREE RAMESH, ADVOCATE & SOCIAL ACTIVIST.