WHAT IS EXPECTED, TO EXPECT!! IN MY JOURNEY OF SOULS
IN MY JOURNEY OF SOULS,
From real life experiences, all of us have teeny-weeny, normal, more expectations’ out of life and from the fellow beings called the “HUMAN”, which scale depends on the each and every individual. We cannot measure the expected as it is individualistic too. Human relationships have become FRAGILE HANDLE WITH CARE, CAUTIOUS, akin to TREADING ON EGG SHELLS. The irony is that the expectation of one, may not necessarily be that of another. The mis-match is universal and how you manage or learn to manage is the question of what this life is about. As going by the logic SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST, no management company will hire a person, if he doesn’t know to handle the fellow co-workers and other people. Is everyone born with the innate nature to handle every human being that they meet? The answer is a big “NO”.
If you just care to look back, you will find that we have always been managing people as a child, at kindergarten level and various levels in schools, colleges and workplace. Working on the concept that no human beings are the same, nature, habit, living conditions, strata, educational, mental strength wise. Then how did we manage? Reminisce the ways we reacted to the likes and dislikes right from childhood days. As a child we say no to certain type of foods and yes to the type of foods that we liked, so we knew, what we expected to have, even at such early stages of life. Who taught us to shake our head to say no or nod to say yes. We handled our expectations with head shakes and nods even before we learnt to talk.
As we grow up, when we start to communicate verbally, that’s when we communicate more openly, with a tinge of rebel, emphatically. Our minds form a stronger likes and dislikes and we are vocal about it. But, how are we managing this situation when we step out of the known, safe environment, when we have to face the outside competitive world? when we step out, the role will be reversed, we have to be at tandem with the others expectations to survive. In a work environment we have to adjust with the boss’s mood swings, likes, dislikes setting aside our own, for which we have to attune ourselves to what is expected, to expect. Unless you master this art, you will always be targeted by your boss. Resultant effect would be on your performance appraisal, as you haven’t understood your boss’s psyche.
The bridge is always between what is expected and what you land up getting in your life. At times, one would feel that they are destined to get something better than what they have gotten, disappointing though, any learned person would say life is full of compromises. This is nothing but, an advice to self-check, oneself whether they have placed what is expected, to expect in the right way. This can be done by trial and error ways only as we are all differently made.
Same applies for personal relationships too. One can only get what is expected, rather than to expect something out of any situation, which is contingent and chances are very meagre to happen eventually. What is expected to happen is the likelihood of things happening in the general, normative way. But that should always be underplayed or handled with least expectations because, there is a probability or chance that even the normal thing would happen or not. There might be a change in the situation, circumstance, or with the people we expect to perform or act in accordance to our expectation over which we have no say.
We have no control over other people’s acts, words, behaviour, moods what so ever, as they tend to be indulgent in a way, as is deemed fit by any individual. So, what do we do? SULK? NO. Take it in your stride the unexpected, changed behaviour so that they are not getting at you, or their acts. You should not be reactive, but, just pull up your socks and say to yourself, this is it, I have to handle the situation. You will find a way to navigate out of this different/difficult situation, what is expected not to have happened, to expect the reality and move on. The right thing would be to try to come out of the scene as soon as possible, making a graceful exit.
When words are not indulged in, that itself is a half won battle. When, what is expected do not happen, have the presence of mind to grasp the reality, understand the moment, to expect the next move or to come out of the situation unscathed. This would keep you on toes thinking about what is expected has not happened and what to expect from that given point of time. We cannot expect our friends, relatives or anyone to behave in the way we expect them to, but what we have to give them the leeway for their unusual surprise acts.
One ideal solution would be, when you expect something to happen 100% in all faith and hope, there is nothing wrong, but have expectation 90% and a contingent expectation10% for any uneventful mishaps. This doesn’t make one negative, but an internal caution that you are preparing your mind to condition for any untoward events. This way when things don’t go the way 100% as what is expected, then you change your way of thinking as to how to handle the situation from further damage, how to salvage, however negative it may seem with one’s own positivity of mind, you can move mountains.
For an example when you expect your close friend to say everything to you or not said something relevant, for whatever reason it may be, just leave it at that, because this may hurt you, but for the other person it may be very normal behaviour. It is humane to have changed behaviour in oneself at times and no one can be with the same behaviour act at all times. So how do you handle this simple situation is, give them the benefit of doubt 100%, for the changed behaviour from their side not to affect you and let it spoil your present moment. That is, with your positivity in thinking, the negativity from outside world can be handled with ease and comfort.
When at a young age, one grows up emotionally, leaving behind the child-like attitude overnight owing to a big blow in their life, when least expected, the next choice for that person is to expect to behave like a grown-up, to handle very many situations at once, all too sudden. Though the happening of an event in life is not what is expected, but to expect the person to have a changed attitude is the need of the hour. Sometimes in life, unexpected things happen at unexpected time, rattling the calm ship-sail.
This is not to say that you always think of being non-believer, because of the fear of things not going the way you picture it. But with hope, faith you wish things to happenas to what is expected, to expect even if it turns out to be little different from what is thought of. It is the conditioning of the mind that goes a long way in handling people and their ever surprising changed behaviour. This golden rule not only applies for others, but for oneself too.
The other way to what is expected, to expect, would be to have least expectations from anyone. When expectation levels are kept very low and non-existent, there is peace of mind and less disappointments. The hurt is less from others, when you don’t expect them to be, what you think of them, same way they may even be disappointed when our behaviour is not to their expectations. Any relationship is two-way and life is not about one-way traffic all the time isn’t it?
Givers are the happiest than the takers. For takers always get momentary happiness and the givers are happiest perennially,
BECAUSE THEY KNOW WHAT IS EXPECTED, TO EXPECT……...
VIJAYASHREE RAMESH, ADVOCATE & SOCIAL ACTIVIST.