A gardener who saw a small nest in his garden, in which there were two eggs, he was happy, eager, looking forward to see the small hatchlings. With enthusiasm, every day he used to watch with vigil over the nest to see if the eggs hatched. One day he saw a small crack on the eggs, which triggered his interest. Then one day the crack on the eggs widened and the eggs shook with the movements from inside. Thinking that the young ones are not able to come out of the egg shells, because of their constrained movements, he just on his own will, widened the crack gap little more than usual. After this incident, he still watched over the eggs, but to his dismay they remained as they were and the young ones never came out. After a long time, he found that ants had invaded the egg shells and have started consuming whatever was left inside. Then only he realised that the young ones had died, he felt sad and remorse. On that day his friend who is an avid ORNITHOLOGIST, who has knowledge about birds came to the garden.
Immediately the gardener pointed out at the nest and asked him Why the birds died in the nest? His friend’s response was, he told the gardener that this was an impossibility and how did this happen? The gardener immediately told him, how there was a slight crack and movement from within and his action of slightly widening the crack, thinking the birds were struggling to come out. Hearing this from the gardener saddened the friend, who told him, that, the mistake was made when he widened the gap of the shell, thinking he was helping the small ones to spread their wings and legs. But, the resultant effect was, it killed the young ones inside, as they were trying to spread their legs and wings the gardener’s action affected their nervous system and they collapsed in the egg shell itself.
The same mistake is done by the parents to children, thinking that, they have to bring up their children comfortably, they should not suffer or have experiences in life like them, they should not face any struggles in life, the parents go all out to protect their children. The children when protected like this grow up, without knowing to think individually and how to face problems in life. The Psychologists all over the world opine, if parents want their children to grow up strong mentally, emotionally, with clear and clarity in thinking, give them the independence to allow the children to face their problems, let them decide how they want to solve the problems too.
Parents over indulge in their children’s’ lives by constantly advising them, wherever they go, they should behave correctly all the time, be right at all situations, to whom should they talk or not talk, who are the right people and are wrong for them to mingle, have friendships with only those whom they think are perfect for their children. Such over indulgent advices at all times, what happens, when they come later into society, when they see and meet different people, they become handicapped in handling them. How it affects them psychologically is, they start complaining about their office managers, their wife, friends, later land up hating everything and they are also pushed to that extreme level. The inner struggle of, how to handle any given situation, this wisdom doesn’t get imparted to the children, when they are groomed like this, has to be understood by the overly protective parents.
The parents might think that doing something is right or wrong by their own experiences, but children on their own are very lively, where they live for that moment to moment only, never think of the results of their actions. For an example, when they run fast they fall down, they never think of falling down while running. Allow them to fall, when they run fast so that next time they will remember the fall that effected from the fast run and run slowly. They have to learn from their own struggles, experiences, which is the true knowledge and education. Have a watch over children, you will find that they teach lots of things to parents, which probably the parents wouldn’t have learnt in their young days. Prepare them to travel and walk on the road of life, but don’t lay a new road for them to walk. As long as the parents are alive they might have made a safe road for their children to travel on this road of life, but how will they know to travel on the road which is uneven, have many potholes when the parents are not there? Because we have children in our lives that does not mean they are, our possessions, but guide them to lead their lives by giving right advices at the right time, so that their travel of life, is more pleasant peaceful and happy.
We should never underestimate the children, for their age, understanding, knowledge, experience as they too see the outside world in school, college, work place, etc., as parents we should guide, mentor them but not overly indulge or protect them, to face the outside world as it’s a different ball game altogether from home atmosphere. As parents we should never take away their self-belief, faith and hope, as they are the FUGEN of India.
Parents should also realise that, THE CHILD IS A FATHER OF THE MAN at times.
VIJAYASHREE RAMESH, CHENNAI BASED ADVOCATE.
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